Reality in relationships.

Summertime is time to date!  People are eager to get out of the house, and there are lots of outdoor festivals, concerts, athletic, musical and other activities available to meet people.   But summer in the northeast is short, so you don't want to waste precious time pursuing someone  who isn't really interested in you or a relationship.  If you are a man, read the text as written.  If you are a woman just substitute the she's for he's and the he's for she's.

 

1.      It's hard to reach her by text or by phone.  She takes a long time to return your calls.  This is a subtle sign that she's not really interested in you, or she's afraid of or not really ready for a relationship.   If you want to create a relationship with someone, find a woman who is enthusiastic about being with you.

 

2.      She can't seem to find time to get together.  She may be an ambitious professional, or a divorcee with children.  No matter how much she says she'd like to have a relationship with someone, it's just not the highest priority in her life right now.  If you want to create a relationship with someone, find someone who makes time to be with you.

 

3.      She plays hard to get.  She runs hot and cold. Some women have been socialized tobelieve that they have to torment a man before he'll value her.  If he puts up with her and stays with her, it proves that he's the right man.  Don't play that game. Find someone who is nice to you. 

 

4.      She's not who you thought she was when you first started dating.  Most people start out a relationship trying to be on their best behavior. If your girlfriend was putting on an act to get you to like her, however, she won't be able to keep it up. Eventually her true personality will come out.  If her true personality and yours don't match up, move on.  Don't keep hoping that her act was the real her and wait for her to bring it back.

 

5.      She brings out the worst in you.  In a supportive, loving relationship, you should feel comfortable and happy around your girlfriend.  You want someone who brings out the best in you and doesn't hammer on your sore spots.  Instead, she will help you to soothe them, fix the problem, and if applicable, encourage you to heal and grow.  If you're dating someone with whom you seem to fight a lot and feel irritable, drained, defensive and never good enough, she's not for you.

 

6.      She's a damsel in distress, and you are her savior. If you meet someone who acts helpless, needy, and dependent or who is wounded or mentally ill, she needs support and therapy.  As much as you may like the idea of being her hero, you alone cannot save her.  That kind of relationship is not really a partnership, and gets old really fast.

 

7.      And finally, if you're still ignoring the signs, she cheats on you. There can be no love without trust.  Biologically, human beings pair bond for life. If she cheats on you, the trauma is so bad that it will break the connection.  Get some healing for the trauma and move on.  

 

 

 If you or anyone you know would like to get unstuck or minimize suffering. To learn more or schedule an appointment, call 575-644-2321.