8 Things My “Bad-Boy” Brother Taught Me About Death

By Annie Kagan, OmTimes

When my brother Billy woke me three weeks after he died, describing what was happening to him in the afterlife, I thought maybe I had gone a little crazy. How could my bad-boy brother, who died a tragic death, who had problems with addiction all his life, who didn’t live what most people would call a successful life, how could he be sharing secrets about life’s greatest mystery from another dimension? But as time passed, my skepticism turned to wonder as Billy taught me all about death.

The List

1. The First Thing that Happens is Bliss. As soon as you die, you’re sucked out of your body into a Healing Chamber. The lights in that Chamber erase all the harm you suffered during your entire lifetime, physical, mental and emotional. So, in less than a nanosecond, all your pain is gone.

2. You Still Feel Like Yourself. Even though you don’t have your body anymore, you still feel like an individual. Actually, you feel more like yourself than you did when you were alive. There’s so much influence from others while you’re on earth that in a way you don’t get to be you.

3. Light Has a Personality. In the afterlife the light rays have qualities like wisdom, kindness, compassion and intelligence. This light makes visible what is invisible on earth, the Divine nature of all things.

4. Sin and Punishment is a Human Concept. There’s a lot of mumbo jumbo on earth about what might be waiting for you after you die. Making mistakes while you’re alive is part of the earth deal. If we had to be perfect to get to so-called Heaven, no- one would make it there.

5. Your Life On Earth Isn’t a Punishment Either. Sure, there’s pain in life, but not because you’ve done anything to deserve it. Pain is part of the human experience, as natural as breath or eyesight or blood moving through your veins.

6. After You Die, Instead of Judgment Day There’s No-Judgment Day. When you review your life, you see the paths you took and the ones you didn’t. You see where your genius was and where you might have done better, but you don’t feel judgmental about it. And even though it might not make sense to you now, after you die you understand that you had a great life, even the hard parts.

7. You’re Happy You Look Like Yourself. You’re not concerned with the way you look. There are no pretensions or efforts to appear any which way. You just radiate, which is effortless.

8. Love Is Not the Same As Earth Love. You’re not loved because of what you do, how you look, how famous you are, or how much money you make. It’s not like yesterday I loved you, but today I don’t anymore. Love is truly unconditional. Most controversial of all is that in the afterlife there’s perfect compassion and no matter how you lived you are loved.

Things that should come back, that would confuse the “X-Y-Z” Generations…

Pay phones...

Old-fashioned romantic films are essentially an emotional workout. Somewhere between the black and white flicker and the crackle of sound, romantic moments are caught and held captive in our screens, cueing every single girl to sigh and swoon uncontrollably…followed closely by every taken girl sighing and swooning uncontrollably. In this fast-paced millennial life, ambushed by technology, have we somehow lost the excitement of old-school dating?

Here are old-fashioned dating habits that needs to be brought back–and stat.

Limited contact and set-in-stone plans

Imagine trying to ‘court’ without the use of the internet or cell phone for contact. You couldn't over-indulge in sending two or three word texts every minute, and there was no option of sending endless selfies with slightly varying pouts and gradually lessening sunlight as the day rolls on. (That is, unless you wanted to wait a week for photo development after dropping the film off at a chemist. And even then, hand delivering a wad of snaps of your face seems so odd. Let’s not do that)

Plans were made, and stuck to. There was no bailing, no chance of better offers coming in and someone being shunned – dates were scheduled, penned into a planner and kept.

Men of 2014, care to call us with a plan, then, gasp, stick to it?

Gentleman’s etiquette

It still feels magical when you meet a man who holds the door open for you, pulls out a chair and offers to take your coat and bag – as long as you’re not on the street and you realize that someone has very politely stolen your personal belongings.

Our culture means that no subject is off-limits – the media is filled with crass videos, photos and stories of what people have been caught doing, and whilst we’re stuck in a culture where one night stands and flings are totally acceptable, it’s hard to locate someone who won’t be expecting that from you, or for you to be expected to openly talk about innately personal things because “that’s what everyone else talks about.”

When was the last time you spoke about anything other than someone else’s relationship, or what someone else is doing? Have we lost the ability to have a conversation about thoughts and ideas, instead of just making commentaries on someone else’s life?

Saving clothes for ‘best’

I am still reminded by my mum to “keep clothes for best.” And the majority of the time, I can see her logic – like when I inadvertently tan my clothes instead of my body whilst making the well-informed decision to wear a white shirt whilst applying self-tanner.

There’s a little luxury in keeping some items for ‘special occasions.’ I’m not ashamed to say that I have a dress hanging in my closet waiting for when I meet that guy for that date assuming I haven’t had an awful self-tanning accident with it before that time comes.

Dancing under disco lights

Hands up: who has ever been asked to dance? (and I’m not talking a casual grind under the occasional flash of a strobe light)

Yeah – me neither.

This one seems to have been completely lost – we seem to have forgotten the innocence and the mystery of a real dance with a boy, not knowing what will happen or where it will lead. And I’d take the cute option over a not so delicate rave where you have to side-step pools of vodka (and tears) on the dance floor any day. So elegant.

Love letters

If there was a mailing list I could sign up to and have love letters sent to my door I would do it in a heartbeat. Arguably there is nothing remotely romantic about a robot spitting out carbon-copy letters to every sad single girl, but the idea of having something delivered and dropped through a mailbox is so magical and wonderful – and would definitely be Instragrammed in a second with a backdrop of candles and rose petals.

These old-fashioned romantic moments are too good to be lost on the modern world – and, if I’m being completely honest, I don’t want to be the guy who has to answer the “so how did you two meet?” conversation with “well, it all started with a swipe to the right on Tinder..”

I just miss the life some days,

Rev. G-

Reality in relationships.

Summertime is time to date!  People are eager to get out of the house, and there are lots of outdoor festivals, concerts, athletic, musical and other activities available to meet people.   But summer in the northeast is short, so you don't want to waste precious time pursuing someone  who isn't really interested in you or a relationship.  If you are a man, read the text as written.  If you are a woman just substitute the she's for he's and the he's for she's.

 

1.      It's hard to reach her by text or by phone.  She takes a long time to return your calls.  This is a subtle sign that she's not really interested in you, or she's afraid of or not really ready for a relationship.   If you want to create a relationship with someone, find a woman who is enthusiastic about being with you.

 

2.      She can't seem to find time to get together.  She may be an ambitious professional, or a divorcee with children.  No matter how much she says she'd like to have a relationship with someone, it's just not the highest priority in her life right now.  If you want to create a relationship with someone, find someone who makes time to be with you.

 

3.      She plays hard to get.  She runs hot and cold. Some women have been socialized tobelieve that they have to torment a man before he'll value her.  If he puts up with her and stays with her, it proves that he's the right man.  Don't play that game. Find someone who is nice to you. 

 

4.      She's not who you thought she was when you first started dating.  Most people start out a relationship trying to be on their best behavior. If your girlfriend was putting on an act to get you to like her, however, she won't be able to keep it up. Eventually her true personality will come out.  If her true personality and yours don't match up, move on.  Don't keep hoping that her act was the real her and wait for her to bring it back.

 

5.      She brings out the worst in you.  In a supportive, loving relationship, you should feel comfortable and happy around your girlfriend.  You want someone who brings out the best in you and doesn't hammer on your sore spots.  Instead, she will help you to soothe them, fix the problem, and if applicable, encourage you to heal and grow.  If you're dating someone with whom you seem to fight a lot and feel irritable, drained, defensive and never good enough, she's not for you.

 

6.      She's a damsel in distress, and you are her savior. If you meet someone who acts helpless, needy, and dependent or who is wounded or mentally ill, she needs support and therapy.  As much as you may like the idea of being her hero, you alone cannot save her.  That kind of relationship is not really a partnership, and gets old really fast.

 

7.      And finally, if you're still ignoring the signs, she cheats on you. There can be no love without trust.  Biologically, human beings pair bond for life. If she cheats on you, the trauma is so bad that it will break the connection.  Get some healing for the trauma and move on.  

 

 

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