In the Nick of Time

For the past year and a half it seemed I was living in a place of confusion, complexed emotions and darkness within.  It seemed as if everything I believed in became distant and I felt that the light I had lived in for most of my life dimmed to where I was not sure of myself and not sure about my decisions and about the people around me.

I had a sense of betrayal and hurt, unexplained emotional sadness and disappointment.

The individual’s I believed in  I could see their futures bright and glorious turned away.  Not speaking the truth not telling me all the facts, circles around me; wondering what on earth did I do to deserve such disrespect and friendships I thought I had turned out to be lies.

How could I have not seen it, how could my intuition not recognize the energy of betrayal, the loyalty of friendship forsaken?  It has been a difficult, complicated and painful journey back to myself. 

My soul light and energy was in jeopardy, not trusting my own knowing, not trusting what others were saying to me.  

I started to shut down, way down, off the charts.  

Depression around the corner.  Then I decided I needed to leave the psychic energy and the lack of frequencies of light, that were blocking what that I have had to sustain my spiritual energy and intuitive knowing, I had to return to my roots; I went back to New England, where my soul was fed with unconditional love and genuine friendships and truth and joy.  How is it possible I surrounded myself with liars and people who call themselves spiritual and healers and yet have the capacity to look you right in the eyes and not speak the truth...Overwhelmed with negative feelings and webbing that shut down my systems, my faith in myself, my knowing, my healing abilities, what on earth had I stepped into here.

When in New England I felt myself come alive with spiritual frequencies I was use to and knew.  I trusted those around me, they would tell the truth, the whole truth.  They were really happy to see me, they really loved me.  We laughed and shared, and loved one another as we are and who are.  

Now these past 8 months I have worked on opening myself up again, allowing my light to be seen some, allowing myself to go forward a little.  It is amazing the harm that is done when you are the target of liar’s gossip and half truths.  Now it is June and I woke up as if I had been asleep since October of 2011...just jumped out of bed and was on...My light revved up, my energy high and happy knowing and wanting to move forward new projects and bringing new people into my life.  

I sat and contemplated what happened, what on earth and way the people the closest to me hurt me so deeply....well the answer is, they did not hurt me, they did what they do and for me I was allowed to witness and see who they really are. There is a saying “he who speaks with forked tongue” yes, I witnessed it.  But, it had nothing to do with me, nothing, not really, I allowed myself to accept it, to go there into the pain, the sadness the disappointments.  I allowed and accepted their lies to affect me and I allowed myself to be sad, my light shutdown.  I did it.  The Law of Attitude states that no man, no circumstance, no loss of job, death or cataclysm activity can harm us, only our own attitude toward the situations.  It seems amazing to me, that is one of the Laws I thought I lived by, I thought, I understood it...yet, there I was and here I am now.  

Four (4) weeks ago, I jumped out of bed, as if I just landed in this body on this planet, I was balanced, my energy strong, my desires in full swing.  My energy to clean, clear, organized, myself was back.  The true feeling was that of a web of energy had wrapped itself around me, the dark energies had got a hold of me...The thoughts, feelings and intentions of others were strong, hateful, discouraging and just about broke my will.  However, I would not allow that, and when I started organizing the house, cleaning outside, moving things around, I thought “Thank God, I am Back!”  A rebirth of sorts had taken place.

Four weeks ago, my twin  flame, recognized I was not breathing correctly, I was short of breath, tired, depressed and sad, he looked at me and decided to crack my back...Man it hurt, loss my breath for a moment and just like that, my breath was stronger, the balance better, the shoulders not rounded....It hurt, yet, the gift was the chi was moving, it had been stuck all around my heart, my shoulders, my upper back.  Holding on, holding on to the old, the dead energy of hurtful and destructive thought patterns.

Now, I have been accomplishing tasks in one day.  I feel free, no webs, no sadness, just a strong desire to live my life fully again.  The lesson learned that “it does not belong to me”, the truth is people will think whatever they want and can be hateful, lie and gossip but the truth is they are only hurting themselves.  I have learned my lesson well.

My belief system challenged to the edge, my relationships tested, those who were there with me, guided me, allowed me to work through these inner pains and sadness, those who supported me in love and worked towards lifting me up and out of the darkness, my true friends, my true family...I am oh so blessed.

I was taught as a child to forgive but not to forget, we want to remember the pain and the hurt, but, not to hold on to it as it is a reminder of the lesson learned.

I have no ill feelings toward anyone, what a journey,  I had to make major adjustments to new situations in my personal life, I decided to stay in a relationship and tend to it with care, or to leave..my choice to stay and tend to it with tender loving care which I have done.

I wanted to write this today first because it has been sitting in my mind and needed to write it out, and also, if you find yourself in a place of darkness and feel you have no way out, you do, we always do.  One is to allow yourself to feel the pain, the stress, the hurt, the betrayal and then accept within yourself the possibility of healing and releasing the pain.  I invite you to think about the Law of Attitude and realize once again, there is nothing outside ourselves that can truly affect us, we must do the healing and the forgiveness so we can move forward.

I accepted my role in the entire nightmare and that was that I became a victim....we never want to become a victim, we want to be the illuminated one, the one that is filled with Grace and Forgiveness for ourselves and for all others.  We want to recognize that we can not and never will control how another thinks of us, acts towards us, says about us.  We have no control of that, but, we do have control of how we chose to respond and act.  Do we react towards it or do we ponder it and release it.  

And at this time I am planning to leave for New England, this time not seeking to be consoled but to console.  It is the Law of Balance....I am now in the position and have the opportunity to give back, to lift up others spirit and soul, to love unconditionally with light and love, to be of greater service and in gratitude.

It is really never about what we receive, it is really about what we can give back and the energy and intention of the act that is important.  Today as I write this I recognize within me the love and light, the forgiveness and the desire to move forward in my life with acceptance of those things I can not change and the acceptance of those in my life wherever they are in their lives with compassion and joy for their lives and who they are and how they impact my life.  There is always light at the end of the tunnel.  For me, my friends were the lights in the tunnel that were bright so I could find my way out once again.

Wherever you are on your journey, I bless you and pray for the Light and Love within to be expressed in small and glorious ways.  To live your truth and to be happy with the choices you make and to know that there is a God that loves us and sends to us all that we require.

I thank God for my loving family of friends...to them I am so grateful....

May you walk in peace and truth.  May you live in joy and abundance.  May you seek only the truth and live by the Laws and Virtues that give us the opportunity to be awakened on our journey home to the Light.......remember, “it does not belong to me”...a mantra I chose to live by...

Oneesha La-Ka